BIAŁY I CZESIA
Sometimes things work better than we could have invented ourselves. And sometimes, despite thousands of ideas, prayers and kilograms of hope, we miss something that we cling so tightly to.
Yes, I’m trying to tell you that Biały galloped behind the Rainbow Bridge. He galloped away alone, surrounded by a few of us. We did not manage to help, we were several days or maybe months late. Or maybe years? I am trying to tell you that although we would like to, we do not have power over life and death. We would like to be able to make Biały come with us from the trader where we found him. But it was there, in the stench of manure and the feeling of omnipresent nothingness, that we had to say goodbye to him.
However, before you think that this is an unsuccessful action, before you feel guilty that you did not manage to do anything, before you think that such actions are pointless, I would like to write something to you.
It was cold and foggy as we drove there. We started as soon as we got a call that Biały went to bed and didn’t want to get up. A vet was called immediately, we immediately called for transport, although we did not have the full amount for Biały and Czesia. We drove full of hope that we will leave with him that day, somehow. As soon as we got there and saw Biały, we knew that this miracle would be difficult. We spent the whole day with Biały. We asked our friend “Przystań Ocalenie”, because they were nearby – Dominik tried to resuscitate Biały, brought with him a specialist lifting belt. Biały got up twice, but hung limp. We put it on the straw and stroke it. Two vets fought on the spot for his life.
We established that Biały was almost 30 years old. As we know he was working in the woods it was a shock to see that he was freshly shoed. So – no one shoes a standing horse. Biały must have been working for his Lord just a while ago. A moment ago it looked exactly like it does now. So who had the idea to use such an ill horse, since this horse was skinny, dramatically worn-out and had a sick heart and breathing problems? We prayed that Biały would be saved, that he would wait these few days. And just a few weeks ago, under the same sky, Biały was working in the woods.
But it doesn’t stop there. Keep reading. When the decision was made to humanely let him go, we agreed on the decision, although we felt that the situation was unfair. But it didn’t matter anymore. Biały was gasping for breath of air and consumed him with great pain. We were unable to help him live in any way. That is why we wanted to help him leave with dignity.
I will not write to you what it looked like. Although we sometimes euthanize the horse, because it is sometimes the only way out, each time it is a very deep experience that is impossible to get used to. When Biały finally felt calm, when he finally closed his eyes and stopped feeling the pain – he galloped to where old, worn-out horses come alive again. When we wiped our tears and realized that it was the end, and no miracle would happen, and Biały was no longer with us – we thought that we had collected funds and could get another horse from the purchase. Because our despair will not help anyone anymore.
And now I’m getting to the point. The trader was very insulted and told us clearly. The horse was kept for us. The horse was down paid by us. The horse must be paid in full now. Amen. Negotiations were useless, and finally the trader broke out that if he knew that we were going to have such talks, he would have taken Biały out early in the morning, as soon as he noticed that he could not get up. And no, it’s not that we couldn’t pick him up and he could do it. Nobody was going to pick him up there. Such horses are called “loungers” among traders. So they are pulled lying down onto a car, carried lying down, and on the spot they are pulled by the head and legs and dragged to the slaughterhouse. Yes you are right. You mustn’t do that. But do you think someone is keeping an eye on it?
That’s why I wanted to thank you. Because although Biały did not come back with us from this trip, thanks to you and your support we saved him at the very end. It is unimaginable to me the enormity of pain and suffering that Biały would have to go through if the trader had actually pulled him up the gangplank and carried him away in the morning.
So what’s the final, you ask?
We downpaid two horses that were standing in this shed. We were given 2 weeks to pay them back. An old crippled pony and a 22 year old chestnut gelding, Kasztanek. Friends of misery of the Biały and the Czesia. We paid Czesia and took her that day, Dominik from “Przystań Ocalenie” decided to take her home. For which we would like to thank you. Our two boxes are now waiting for Kasztanek and the crippled pony. And this time we hope to get them on time. Before someone up there calls them to him.
Don’t close your eyes. Please, have a look. Look at us. Do not be afraid. Don’t look away. You will not get infected with old age ..
I won’t tell you my name. They call me the white one. It’s been a long time since nobody called me by some name. Nobody talked to me for a long time. Horses like us are not spoken of ..
Shame fills my eyes, temples, and spiky ears as you look at me. I humbly lower my head. Sometimes I wish I could disappear. Forgive me. Somehow my old age is not beautiful. My ribs stick out like the strings, those bones that stand like masts, and my spine like an unfastened wooden rail. I didn’t make it, you know? My legs, today crooked and swollen, carried me through life and its bends. I came to where I stand today. I won’t go any further. Even if you free me, I will not run anywhere. No escape for me anymore. I’m barely walking. Old age .. and I am clumsy like a child I wish I was. I’m not shaking with fear, somehow my body has been behaving strangely in recent months. And you know what? Fear passes when you come here. I am not afraid of anything anymore. But keep looking. Your gaze keeps me alive. I’m not leaving while you’re there on the other side. It would be stupid to die in front of you …
I am where I am. I will not invite you to my humble shed. I stand in a horse market with Czesia. I have worked in the forest all my life, I am such a forest grandpa. Czesia did not spare herself either. Or rather, people did not spare her. Today she is barely breathing, standing next to me and I can hear her gasping for breath. Believe me, you can count her ribs from a kilometer. From two kilometers you might not notice her at all.
So I will not invite you. You understand. Anyway, you wouldn’t want to be here. I am a little tired, a little not presentable horse .. The road behind me is long. But don’t worry, there isn’t much of this road ahead of me and that’s just what keeps me on my crooked legs. To persevere to the end, with the head held high.
Don’t close your eyes. Welcome to my world. Sit on the edge of the barn, you might get tired of my story, that of the old horse. Sit down and look at us.
You know what? I’m ready. Ready to climb the gangplank, stand on top of it with my head held high and look at the world for the last time. After that, I am ready to walk down this famous narrow corridor. Ready to bow my head and close my eyes. Ready that there is nothing left after that.
But I would like to ask you to live for her, my Czesia. She might not get there. These hardly caught breaths can kill her with the boom of the gangplank, loading, and in a narrow corridor she can fall over.
She is scared. She must have been scared all her life. Now more than ever. If I could hide her, get her out of here, I would. But I’m just an old horse. I can’t do much. I can be ashamed. And I can beg you for help.
The white one stands in a horse purchase in Silesia. Czesia at his side. They don’t have much time and life.
We have to collect PLN 8,000 ( 2026 USD) to pay off their lives and pay for transport. We have time until October 29. Because we will not leave Biały (the white one) there. When we take, we take both of them.